Last night, I went out with an old friend. Without God having brought him into my life, I probably wouldn't be saved and would not have stayed at the church. While we were talking, I started reflecting on many of the things that God has done in my life in the past twelve years. I started to write them down last night. I thought I would think of maybe one or two dozen things. But, I am in the hundreds already and nowhere near done.



Some of the things are big. I used to fall over because my right hip would start to hurt terribly. A rheumatoligist told me I needed a hip replacement and that I would be at least partially disabled for life. I actually got a handicapped parking placard because it was so bad. One day, in the parking lot, Pastor Matthew saw me and prayed for my hip. It has NEVER hurt since.



There are so many other big things...and there are so many much smaller ones as well.



But, what it showed me is that God was taking care of me even before I knew Him. He was reaching out before I even knew He was real. And He has taken care of me ever since. Those can sometimes be just words that we write or say, but we need to be able to embrace them and understand that God is taking care of us...all that we see and so much more that we never see.



I have watched this church grow from a few hundred to thousands. From having a few ministries to hundreds. From reaching a few people to reaching tens of thousands every week. I have watched individuals grow into the amazing callings that God has given each of them.



Reflection is the best way to realize how much God loves us and how much grace we have each been given. It truly makes you thankful for the amazing life and opportunities that we have.



Take a moment and sit back and just think about all that God has done for you...it really does change your perspective on everything...

One of the things that amazes me is how we can be followers of Christ for many years and still have so many doubts. Doubts in ourself, in our abilities, even in our calling. After more than twelve years of serving God faithfully, I still occasionally go through all these things. I think we all do. The difference now is how long I can get caught up in all this and how low I can sink. I find that I can no longer drop down too low and I cannot stay there as long. I had written that I would start to share part of my testimony, and I will do more of that later. For now, let's just leave it to say that I had two attempts to end my life long before I ever truly knew God. I felt that my life had no real meaning and that I had no real purpose. But, God was with me even then. Pills that every doctor said should have absolutely killed me in the quantity that I took did next to nothing. I had a swollen tongue for about two weeks...and a really bad stomach ache! But, that was it. And the second time, I had a strange vision and couldn't even go through with the attempt.

But, what is it that allows us to get down so low that we can even think of taking our own lives? It's a lack of faith in God. I didn't know God at all when I did these two things. I had a void in my life that I didn't understand. How people get through life without God just boggles my mind. How I survived for 32 years without Him just blows me away. I often wish that I had been raised in a great Christian home and that my childhood had been very different from what it was. But, I wasn't. There was no religion at all in my house.

I also have to realize that I would not be the person that I am without all the life experiences that I have had. I would not be who and what I am. And, just as Pastor Matthew preached this past Sunday, we are all unique in our special ways. I used to really despise my quirks. Now, I realize that this is exactly how God made me and that I was made for this time, to do this job and to be who I am right now. Doesn't mean we cannot always improve...we can. But we all need to have a belief that God made us the way we are and that we are doing His will as long as we are serving Him. That was truly one of the hardest things for me to accept when I first got saved. I felt so inadequate and so unusable. I am not perfect by any means. But, I work hard, try my best and care a lot about people.

So, am I happy with all that I am...well, no. But, I am working towards making my life better and to be more Christlike every day of my life. I have learned to accept all my quirks and that I am what I am. I cannot please everyone but I strive every day to make God happy. I used to think WWJD was silly...but that was when I first got saved. Now, I think it is something we need to ask ourselves pretty consistently throughout each day. After many years of making the right decisions, it eventually becomes much easier and even becomes automatic.

So, love yourself so that you have the ability to love others and learn to accept your quirks. You need them so that you can be what God has called you to be.

More on my testimony soon! That just takes time to put it all down on paper. But, I will do it sometime soon.

Have a great day!

Todd

I have pondered a blog for more than a year. At first, I convinced myself that Facebook or Twitter were enough. Then, I realized that they are great social tools, but a person has limited ability to be creative. Then, I convinced myself that a blog was nothing more than a digital diary and that I didn't need another thing to do...

So, why did I finally do this?

People have been trying to convince me to write a book for years. Some people seem to think that I lead an interesting life! Go figure! So, I decided that I had better get some practice if I really will write a book someday!

I hope that you will find my stories interesting! I have never done anything like this before...but I do read extensively...so I am hopeful I can put coherent thoughts together.

I will do my best to post at least every other day!

So, it is 6 PM on Sunday night and I just got home. After an amazing Pastors' School in Phoenix this past week, my body clock is still way off. I have fallen asleep really early since we got back home. Then, I wake up about 4:00 AM. Tonight, I am going to force myself to stay awake so I can back onto a normal schedule.

Spent all afternoon responding to emails and letters sent to Pastor Matthew. People probably cannot fathom how many correspondences we receive each day! Pastor Matthew has always taken every single inquiry very seriously so we do our best to help everyone with his or her requests.

Now, I am doing laundry and cleaning my house. I usually do this every Sunday.

I have been blessed with great friends, a great boss and an amazing calling. Before coming here, I would never have thought I would ever have gotten saved, let alone been a part of a big church that is really making a difference. In an upcoming post, I will share my testimony.

Have a great night!!! 'Till next time.

Todd